Sunday, April 12, 2020

And hence we were all as good as bread

“What about 'crooked as a dogs hind leg?

talked the same lively language alright.
That is how my sister Bertholde responded to my blog about our late dad Tom's effort to come up with  a phrase that would get used by a bunch of people in everyday conversation and the phrase he made up was as good as bread.

Crooked as a dogs  hind leg was one of Toms countless other sayings that Im pretty sure he didn't actually coin. Like every dad, Tom had what seemed like an endless supply of things that he said.

My mom, Huena, too. Though when it came to people who might rip you off, she used the expression so crooked hed have to lay on his back to look down a well. Or maybe Tom said that one, too. I forget.

Thats probably why they fell in love and stayed married so long. They spoke the same kaleidoscope patterned neon-light-filled colourful language. Plus it seems they knew a lot of crooks in common.

Heres one of  the odder Tomisms: I haven't laughed so hard since the pigs ate my little brother.” 

My big sister Bertholde says she thinks I haven't laughed so hard since the pigs ate my little brother is, and I quote her: hilarious...then again it might not be if you're a little brother. 

Me to Bertholde: "Ya think?
PETE'S CLOG & QUADRILLE: Yours truly at my niece
Jens wedding Ottawa Valley dancing.” Its a thing. Google it.

I just thought of another. My mom used it to describe people who werent all that graceful on the dance floor.

Hes got a Protestant foot. 

Reminds me of the joke about members of a certain religious sect  not doing it standing up because it might lead to dancing.

It also makes me wonder if Huena ever actually watched any of her own kids dance.  The thought brings to mind another Tom-and-Huena fave: For the love of God! 

On a sober note, every day my mom said a prayer for all the men who worked in the mines. On the opposite of a sober note, Tom had this one at the ready: One beer is just right; two is too many and three isn't half enough.”  

And for a household where fart was considered a swear, my folks sure invoked deities a lot. In our house, you couldnt take the Lord's name in vain, but praying was okay. So when mom saw, say, my brother Tom get up to something worth cussing about, she said, Jesus Mary and Joseph! Or, truly exasperated, it was God give me strength.” 

Meantime, our father exclaimed, when awed: “Holy ole teapot cream jug and sugar bowl!” I know. Rough stuff.  

Another? My mom said when you sing you pray twice. Also, every day, as we traipsed off to school or wherever, Huena advised, Offer up  your steps,” implying that everything you do you should involve higher-order thinking. Or maybe simply that God is watching so you will get caught. 

And thats why none of us, me, Eddie, Alex, Charlene, Mary Leona (who died in infancy) Norma, Tom, Pat,  Mary or Bertholde ever sinned. 

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