Monday, November 9, 2020

A couple of thinks we take for granted

Just this morning I was making a sandwich and used a butter knife to spread the butter, mayo and mustard and a serrated knife to slice the tomato. Two knives for one sandwich. 
A FEW CUTTING REMARKS: Is a two-knife sandwich 

You might think it's a bit much: I could have used one but it's easier to cut a tomato with a serrated knife, and when it comes to spread, you get more food-per-square-inch-per-swipe with the butter knife. (I know. This is not something you have to be told.)

But I wondered: Is two-knives for one sandwich extravagant? And I also wondered: Am I weird?

Making a sandwich takes more brain energy than you might think.

To wit: In our fridge door, we have not one, not two not three but four -- French's, Hot, and two types of Honey-- mustards. And we're certainly not mustard snobs. 

I'm not complaining. In fact it's the opposite.

Take my salami.

The salami in our fridge arrived pre-sliced in a pre-perforated re-sealable package that you only have to grab a little corner of plastic to open. Then when you put it back in the fridge it won't dry out and be too hard to make a good sandwich next time.

The French have perfected a few things.

Modern food packaging innovation is a hugely uncelebrated miracle. 

I don't want to sound like a K-Tel commercial, but really. 

Not very long ago, packaged meat came in almost hard plastic wrap that you sometimes had to use your teeth to open. Or the scissors, and when it came to resealing it so it wouldn't get stale fast, you were left--God give you strength--to your own devices. 

I don't know why I awaken every morning with in this googly-eyed  state of awe; amazed that I was born into a world of staggering convenience, comfort and choice, but I tell you--on Planet Peter--every day is Thanksgiving. 

Just last week, I was walking west along our street when I met a neighbour named Jeff, and Jeff asked how I was doing.

This is what he got. 

"Not only am I doing great, Jeff, I'm getting better.

"I was at the optometrist the other day and he told me my eyesight is actually improving. He said I don't technically need my glasses to drive any more." 

Jeff was impressed. He said so.

There's more. 

I'D LOOK SKETCHY without my
glasses. (Drawing by Ewa)

"I said 'you mean to tell me I don't have to have that little "x" on my licence?' 

"And the optometrist said 'nope.' He asked me for my licence, wrote  some stuff down on a form and was like, 'there, I removed the x.'"

I had more to say to Jeff and he's a retired school teacher and very patient.

"I'm still not comfortable enough to drive without'em  though. It's like, they're a security blanket. And as my brother Tom used to say, 'I can't hear you without my glasses.' But I don't need them."

True story. 

My vision has improved. We live in wondrous times. And Jeff is tolerant.

What I didn't tell Jeff was as I was leaving the eye doctor's office, I said, "I hope you understand I take full credit for this. Exercise, healthy eating. 

"I look really hard at stuff every day, give the eyes a real workout."

Finally adding, "Actually, it comes from the fact that I look at the bright side of everything, all the time."

My wife Helena once told me I can look on the upside of death.

I'd hate to actually have to live with me. 


  1. Well I'm no Emily Post, but butter on a steak knife is NOT the done thing! Two knives per sandwich.....not extravagant.
    Are you weird? I would certainly hope so. There's really not a lot of us left these days.
    Solidarity forever !

  2. W.A. 'Hello My name is Peter and I am weird. It started when I was in grade four and wondered how Jesus hooked up with blokes with names like Peter James and John in Bethlehem...

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