Wednesday, February 24, 2021

An update on Iris’ vital signs.

UP TO SCRATCH: Ready, Iris, ready.

As regular readers (ha-ha) of Petes Blog&Grille know, for the past three years, Professor Iris Cat (“Iris”) has been sitting behind a message board in the front window of her house in the southwest corner of Toronto.

You read right. Three years. We know this because the signs started about the same time as Iris’ sign guy started his new job at  The Lawyers Daily and this week  marks the completion of his third year there. 

Regular readers might have also noticed that Iris’ messages don’t change as fast as they used to. In fact, as we write this, Iris has not been to the window in over two weeks. At least she wasn’t in the window when her official photographer was around to grab a picture. So a sign sits in the window, waiting for her to give it her royal assent, as it were. (This, boys and girls, this is called foreshadowing.)

To find out what’s up with Iris, Pete’s B’sB&G caught up with her and conducted this impossibly ridiculously childish time-wasting pretend interview..

P’sB&GIris Cat Iris Cat where have you been?” (Ibid. foreshadowing)

IrisJust slowing down is all. Who isn’t? Thinking about making a change or two.”

P’sB&G: How’s the health?”

P’sB&G: Purrfect.

P’sB&GSo what’s up?”

Iris: Good question. You see, I was thinking I’d maybe step down from the chair, maybe get in some volunteer service cat hours; I was looking at a place in Elliot Lake, maybe take a course in yeowling, but then this huge opportunity sort of reared its head.” 

P’sB&G: Opportunity?”

IrisYou might have heard Justin Trudeau’s looking for a new Governor General.” (Note to our beloved American readers. A governor general is the queen's representative in Canada.A very important but non-elected job. Sort of like being Oprah.)  

P’sB&G: You’re kitten!”

Iris: Not bad. But I'm as serious about this as I’ve ever been about anything.”

Carrier number one, on left, during an 
earlier visit to Government House.  

sB&G: The G-G's job?”

Iris: Pourquois paw? I think I'm more than qualified. I'm very good looking. Did you ever notice I have two different coloured eyes?”

PB&GBeing the G-G’s about more than appearances.”

Iris: If you say so. But I have very loyal and diligent staff that can tend to the day-to-day stuff. You would not believe the things I can get my people to do. They’ve been known to get into their car on a snowy day and drive across town to Costco to buy kitty litter. For me! If that's not loyalty I don't know what is. And the guy who writes these signs? He's been to Government House already and knows where the bathrooms are. I think we are good to go.”

PB&GMight you be doing this just so you can make a purroguing Parliament joke?”

Iris: I'm feline very good about this.”

1 comment:

  1. And you say I'm a good writer... I kneel in the presence of true verbal aristocatsy.